Feb 3, 2010

Pernahkah....


haihh..lama sudah kita tak membloqkan diri. Tapi hari ini betul2 rasa ingin meluahkan sesuatu. Hari ini kita melangkang keluar rumah sama seperti hari2 smlm dimana rasa sgt malas dan tidak bersemangat. Kita merasakan hidup ini tanpa matlamat dan tujuan.

Setibanye dia opis kita terfikir patutnye sekarang ni, kita berada dlm musim sejuk di Dublin mengharungi kuliah tetapi itu semua tinggal kenangan. Tapi kita tak pernah menyesal. Kita percaya Allah menentukan hidup kita utk tujuan tertentu. Kita selalu terfikir apalah agaknye akan jadi pada diri ni 5-10 tahun akan datang.

kita bukanlah seorang yg sangat berjaya atau org yg senang dlm hidup, tapi alhamdulillah kita dpt merantau hampir separuh benua di dunia ni, banyak pengalaman dan kenangan yang kita lalui.

rasanye sampai disini sahaja buat masa ini...nnti ada masa kita akan cerita lagi...

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Dec 12, 2009

Marriagesides...



Marriage is a relationship based in no small part on virtues. The most basic of these is responsibility, for marriage is an arrangement held together by mutual dependence and reciprocal obligations. But successful marriages are about more than fulfilling the conditions of a contract. In good marriages, men and women seek to improve themselves for the sake of their loved one. They offer and draw moral strength by sharing compassion, courage, honesty, self-discipline and a host of other virtues. Husband and wives complete themselves through each other, and the whole of the union becomes stronger and more wonderful than the sum of the two parts..cheers!!

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nothing in return?


Long.. long day... working from 8.00 am up to 7.00 pm ... then of... I'm pooped. So tired... just now I'm thinking off the coming repots, and here's the stats:

1) Jabatan Akauntan Negara - 13 pages
2) TNB Reports - 1 page
3) Telekom Reports - 1 pages
4) IBG Reports 1 - 8 pages
5) CPC Reports - 2 pages

Total pages: a lot. ( tak larat nak kire, bace pon dah mengah )

I just realized today that before this, I keep hoping that if I screw up a little, I'll be able to mend it later, or maybe someone will. It just won't cut it anymore. I work hard for my work, came before office hours, and I get to feel good about myself when all of my efforts bear fruit. But I'm not putting the same effort in my other subjects, or even all other aspects of my life . Sure, I go to office, but when I don't understand something, I just get frustrated and give up. Today, I promise myself that I'm not going to do that anymore. I told my wife, anything worth having is worth working for. Im in a relationship, and I committed to it. my wife and I made sacrifices, we'd enough tears to fill up Lake, made efforts to make it work, and even though it amounts to nothing, no one can say to my face I didn't try hard enough because I did. Well, here's another kind of "relationship" that needs my commitment and devotion, and I'm not going to dissapoint. If it means sacrifices, then damn it, that's what I'll give.

Okay, Bubbye!

Assalamu'alaikum...

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Dec 9, 2009

doorway and timeless black...


Hmmm... dah due tige hari tak tulis pape... busy sket these past few days. Nie pun actuallynye nak kene pegi training nie, tapi malas sgt nak menapak gie car park besides kerja pun bnyak, duduk jap sampai head-rush hilang. Hmm.. nak tulis ape ha? Kalau salah tulis, jadi bahan kutuk/ejek orang. Kontroversial lah pulak. Tanak lah camtuh, create a controversy and suddenly become a "frenzy". Even though kalau betullah kan bende tuh jadi, good for me sebab pahale "berbakul-bakul" ( ikut ape sorang kawan nie cakap ) dapat kat aku. Ish... bile pikir-pikir, susah kalau nak kene berlapik kat blogger sendiri.

Especially when blogger tuh di create basically for kite sendiri to keep track of things happening in kite punye lives, created for ourselves, and bukannye tempat untuk create bahan for the sole purpose of letting people read. Kadang-kadang bile dengar orang cakap pasal orang lain ( actually nye penah je kantoikan orang cakap pasal aku gak, but malas nak amek pusing ), I wonder kalau the people yang tgh cakap tuh really knows the person yang jadi bahan cakap. Kalau die kate yes, sebab diorang kawan baik, then hipokrit sangat sebab kalau the moment die out of of sight, kutuk/gelak macam nak mati, depan die baik lah pulak ( dah lah kawan sendiri, takkan lah rendah sgt your threshold of tolerance sampai kan ke bende-bende sebesar bijik sagu pun nak cakap. Mane loyalty? ).

Kalau die kate no, kenal camtuh-catuh je, then aku nye opinion, don't say anything, sebab ko takde right nak cakap pasal org tuh even when he/she is a close friend. You don't know that person, so mane ko tau bende2 yang cakap for fun tuh tak boleh timbul jadi fitnah? Kalau kate lah die buat something yang ko rase sgt bagus/pelik/kelakar/tak elok, then mention sekali, comment on it, lepas tuh sudah-sudah lah. Ko rase die nye baju sume pelik, or die jalan macam askar, so? Entahlah, I just never saw ape yang seronok gelakkan petty-petty things like that. Kenelah respect the fact yang sume orang different, kan? Entah lah, amusement tuh , for me, ade lah line die kat mane. Ade this fine line between commenting what a person does or say and finding it amusing, and basically just being a jerk and gelakkan orang over and over simply because ko tak kenal orang tuh, so die easy target nak pekene. How pathetic is that? Hehehe.. ranting in the morning, biaselah general stuff..... tgh carik alasan tamau gie training RISK MGT nie actuallynye, but I can't find one, so haul ass...
By the way my love wife final exam today, hope she doin good...gudluck..
~fir~

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Dec 2, 2009

Haaa... and now...



Haaa... and now...

=====================================
Sape ingat lagu nie...

ade seorang kawan, namanya Ah Seng, dia juga, berkawan, namanya Muthu, kami berkawan baik, sama sedarjah, belajar, bersama, main bersama.... hey hey hey ( 2 kali), tiga sekawan... ( ulang rangkap terakhir 2 kali )

==============fir's===================

Keskeskes... lagu belajar mase darjah satu, or due, tak ingat... lagu tuh obviously for budak laki ( mase tuh mane main laki kawan pompuan, pompuan kawan laki, sume nak kawan same jenis jek), tapi cikgu main bantai suruh sume orang nyanyi.... apsal lagu nie lekat kat otak: sebab mase tuh talent show, cikgu amek ramai2 budak buat boria, and me... hehehe.. watashi selamat from kene pakai baju merah bunge putih sebab cikgu kasik score soh main piano accompany budak... muahahaha.... score senang jek... mmg khas untuk dimain oleh budak2.... hehehe... teringat dulu kalau talent show sure kene main piano, penah skalik je main kastenet, tapi mase tuh sebab satu kelas kene buat mini-orkestra, and ade due tige kali nyanyi ( lagu sume English... except sekali kene pakai kostum and nyanyi lagu betik ... urgh... freaky ) ... hahaha... adoi lah zaman budak-budak..... memory paling best, mase tadika... mase tuh masuk nasyid, jadik solo tuh ( wuuhh... mase tuh bangge tak ingat ), tapi ustazah pesan soh praktis mase rehat... tapi mase die cakap tuh mane dengar sebab sume org tgh sebok nak gie rehat... last2 tengok2 tak cukup 3 orang: me and another two girls. Ustazah carik punye carik, last-last jumpe kitorang kat padang.... tgh main bola sepak ngan due tige budak pompuan lain ngan budak laki jugak ( hahahaha... mase tuh tak paham konsep lagik... cube bayangkan main bola gan 2-3 org budak pompuan, yg aku igt cuma farah je skrng ni dia kat US... gile.. ). Hehehe.... ustazah panggil masuk dalam kelas praktis nasyid, nasib je tak kene jerit sebab die tuh garang.... Paling best, besok tuh time die ngajar, die ajar kejap je, pastu die soh kitorang main bola sepak depan kelas... sume orang, tak kisah laki ke pompuan... hahaha... I have no idea apsal die wat camtuh. Waaa... ape lagik, main sampai habes mase rehat... last-last bile balik rumah kene marah ngan nenek sebab baju sume penuh debu ( sebab depan kelas bukan padang, tanah lapang, nasib tak jatuh sebab tadek rumput nak tahan ) .

Bile time pertandingan nasyid tuh sampai, kitorang dapat nomor due... yang menang tuh baju lip lap gile, macam model ... siap ade labuci kat baju sume ( I didn't remember about the costume,)Hadiah pemenang nomor due: pencil box , pensel ngan pemadam ( which I don't have ) dengan coloring book .Yang pelik, die kasi coloring book, pensel kaler tadek, nak soh orang kaler ngan pensel ke ape, buat black and white. Nasib mase tuh tgh "baby kesayangan bapak" ( skang pon... ngehehehe ), bapak belikan pensel kaler spesel sebab nak kaler buku. Ingat lagi, pensel kaler Luna yang ketot tuh, ade semilan kaler je kot kat dalam, punye sayang sampai kedekut nak kasi orang pinjam. Alahai.... kan best jadi budak-budak...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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Mar 7, 2009

:::b.L.i.N.d::

Assalamu'alaikum....

I got a nice story from my partner in CRIME. There is so hurt knowing that your love is valued simply because it's....Suffice to say ... :(

~cinta itu buta...

Today at 4:02pm

Ada sorang lelaki buta. Semua orang bencikan dia, kecuali kekasihnya. Lelaki itu selalu berkata,

“Saya akan mengahwini awak di saat saya boleh melihat.”

Suatu hari, ada orang dermakan mata kepada lelaki itu. Akhirnya dapat juga lelaki itu melihat. Dengan segera, dia pergi menemui kekasihnya. Tetapi, bila dia melihat kekasihnya, dia merasa sungguh terkejut kerana kekasihnya juga buta. Kekasihnya bertanya,

“Sudikah awak berkahwin dengan saya sekarang?”

Tanpa sebarang alasan, lelaki itu menolak. Kekasihnya tersenyum dan berlalu pergi sambil berkata.

“Tolong jaga mata saya baik-baik…”

p/s: misz u ppl so much tht i tagged each of you...~*h**a~

Wassalam.........

comments (3)

Mar 2, 2009

::fir is fir:::

assalamu'alaikum.....

How does it all move along so quickly? I'm talking about my life. I can't believe how fast it goes. Oh I know. Some days seem like weeks. Then there are months that seem like weeks. There are weeks that seem to last just a day. Time really does move quickly. Yet, I think I know people whose clock stopped a long time ago. They stopped growing and thinking. They have basically been in neutral for much of their lives. These are people who started talking about being old while in their 40's. How boring! That is no way to live. No, I think I will pass on shutting down long before I die*sigh*....

...YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A FUNK WHEN YOU .....

.. keep refreshing your Facebook profile over and over thinking that something's gonna change, and then you realize d'oh! You're the one who's supposed to edit stuff.

... read the same sentence over and over again or five minutes.

... stare at your phone debating if you should go on a text message frenzy, then realize that each text message cost money 'cause you didn't sign up or the stupid plan. Then you went on a semi-frenzy anyway (sorry guys..)

... keep wanting to cry when you realize you gonna leaving your native soil and you're not gonna be able to back home :( ... I will miss home ... waaa!!

... looked at a friend's Facebook profile and squinted really hard to try and make his/her face (or in a particular case, feet look like an alien.

... start playing trash can basketball (or paper balls) or a good 10 minutes The when you realize what you're doing, you start to think, what a funny word the word "balls" is... balls... ball isn't that fun, but the plural has potential...

.... realize that you're rambling in your bloggy blog blog....

comments (1)

Feb 12, 2009

~Super BBQ with them~

assalamu'alaikum.....


So...last friday(30.1.2009) after my dreadful last day at office, and the next weekend my ex-colleague and I had a bbq party...we were kinda swim-ing around and acted like total freaks!!...but it was super-duper fun!! :D

We are supposed 2 meet at 5.00pm...but we officially started around 6.00pm because we had to carry real heavy stuffs from 20th floor to 6th floor..hahahha...

LoL So I can't really put up a whole bunch of pics on my blog 'cause I don't really want to wait to upload s***, but here are a few gems that hopefully satisfies those who have been asking "mane gambar weh?". So walla! Here are some pics:

The hall of zaza's apartment. Zaza's apartment have a pretty big 4-bedroom(if im not mistaken), 2-bath apartment. The guys you see are those working in my ex-company, and in case you're wondering.....
Me and my mentor, Gabbie. Thanks Gabbie for the shoots! See how cool my mentor is?

THE couples (din and C-tah)..muse of their future..gud luck to them!

Introducing....Gabbie and zaziot *smilezz*

~Wall of Bbq~


for other pics are not up there...it's not forgotten...Im just lazy to upload more pics!!!....however I WILL put the pics later on the next entries...hahahha

comments (1)

Feb 7, 2009

A part of Unending: by Fir


.................Dalam pada itu Suraya dan Dira pergi keluar membeli barang-barang dapur di pasaraya. Mereka berjalan keluar dari pasaraya.

Dira: Mom, can I sleep over at rin’s house, rin asked her mom already and she said it’s ok if you say its ok, so can I please??

Suraya: What? Wait honey I thought you wanted me to pick you up around 10, I told your dad to home early.

Dira: I know mom, but it’s boring to stay at home alone tonight...

Suraya: Alone?

Dira: yes Because mom its special day, don’t you want the whole house to yourselves and not have to worry about me.I mean it beats sneking to the laundry room so I don’t have to hear you guys like you always do.

Suraya: What are you talking about? Your father and me do not go to the laundry room.

Dira: Mom? Please I’m 7, I’m not dumb.

Suraya: 6 not 7?

Dira: yeah whatever..then mom how?

Muka suraya agak merah mendengar kata-kata anaknya.

Suraya: ok. But im picking you up tomorrow morning at 7.

Dira: Yes! Ok...

Suraya:And I’m going need talk to untie Zarin’s ok?

Dira: Yea mom, you got it....

Suraya mencium anaknya, anaknya lari menuju ke kereta BMW nya.

Dira: mom open the doors?

Suraya menekan alarm keretanya untuk membuka pintu. Dira pun masuk kedalam kereta.

Firdaus mengangkat telefonya lalu menghubungi Suraya.

Telefon suraya berbunyi.Dia tersenyum melihat panggilan suaminya

Firdaus: sayang I’m on the way back now...but probally a bit late....because we just move...

Suraya: Hey honey, I just thinking about you, would you make it more fasters, we have plans honey! I mean to cook for us a beautiful dinner, can’t you make sure....dont be too late?

Firdaus: You don’t think I tried that honey? I met Ivanov...and im stuck there...

Suraya: Ivanov? He was dangerous...

Firdausuas: I know honey, look I promise once I’m done here I’ll come straight home we’ll make up for whatever time we lost until dira comes home.

Suraya: I told dira she can sleep over you brother house tonight, so yea look honey don’t worry about it just come home when you done ok? Ok honey I’ll see ya later...

Firdaus: ok bye I love you...

Suraya pun menhidupkan enjin keretanya. Dalam tidak disangka seorang lelaki yang tidak dikenali telah masuk ke dalam keretanya. Lelaki tersbut terus menujukan pistol ke arah Suraya.

Guy: Give me your fucking keys now lady!

Dira: Ahhhhh!!!

Dira menjerit ketakutan.Lelaki tersebut melihat di sekeliling jika ada orang terlihat.

Suraya: Please don’t hurt me!

Guy: Shut up lady!

Dira dengan berani keluar dari kereta.

Suraya: Run dira!!! Run!!!!

Guy: Shit!

Suraya: Please don’t hurt me!

Guy: Shut up lady!

Lelaki tersebut masih megacukan pistol di kepala suraya.

Guy: I’m not going to tell you again lady, where’s the fucking keys?

Suraya: Here! Please take it! Just don’t hurt me please! You can have it.

Setelah menyerahkan kunci tersebut lelaki tersebut telah menembak suraya.Di dadanya dan dia telah rebah jatuh. Dira hanya dapat melihat ibunya ditembak. Dalam pada itu seorang agen kerajaan FSS telah lalu disitu.Dia melihat kejadian tersebut dan terus bergegas kesitu. Dia juga menyelamatkan Dira. Dia terus memandu kereta suraya dengan laju.Tetapi Agent tersebut telah melepaskan tembakan dan megenai tayar keretanya.Lelaki tersebut hilang kawalan.Dia melanggar sebuah kereta lain.Didalam kereta tersebut telah ada seorang pemandu perempuan (Julia). Agent terus melulu ke kereta suraya yang terhenti.

Agent: Shit! Hey girl go inside my car and call the police..Hurry up!

Dira menangis teresak-esak melihat kedaan emaknya yang masih kaku.

Agent: Hey freeze!

Guy: Fuck you!

Agent: Im not going to tell you again, I said Freeze!

Guy: I said Fuck!

Lelaki tersebut cuba melepaskan tembakan ke arah agent tersebut.Walaubagaimanapun Agent tersebut melepaskan dua das tembakan mengenai dada lelaki tersebut.

Dira pula terus berlari mendapatkan emaknya.

Dira: Mom! Mom!

Agent: Shit!

Agent tersebut meletakkan pistolnya kembali dan terus memeluk dira.Dira menanggis dengan kuat sekali.................


..........Firdaus merancang untuk memindahkan keluarga keluar dari Russia, Kerana dia takut akan keselamatan keluarganya.

Dia juga teringat akan kata-kata arwah isterinya.

Pada satu malam Firdaus memanggil seluruh keluarganya termasuk Sya yang berada Di German dan Maksunya yang berada di UK. Firdaus ingin memberitahu tetang perancangannya untuk memindahkan Keluarganya.

Malam tesebut semua telah berada di Rumah Firdaus. Rumah mereka pada malam itu di kawal ketat oleh berbelas agen kerajaan yang diarahkan oleh president Russia.

Dira: Grandma, Mom got death and it happened just like that and there was nothing would do…

Mama: Hey Dira! Don’t say about it now! I know how your feels right now…I’m take care of you now ok.Your father has something very important to say.

Dira: I miss mom!

Mama terus memeluk cucunya itu.Mama Firdaus memang terasa sangat akan kehilangan suraya. Dia sangat sedih melihat keadaan cucunya yang kehilangan ibu. Mama masih trauma dengan apa yang berlaku.Dalam pada itu Firdaus pun memulakan perbincangan mereka. Dia melabuhkan punggunya di kerusi sambil tanganya menutup mukanya.Dia memang kelihatan agak tidak terurus dan keliru.

Firdaus: Ok everybody its here now! but before I start. I would like to say.If we start asking why we’ll go crazy.So, Rule number one. We don’t ask why?

Zarin: Why? We just want to know why? that’s my First rule.I always ask Why.Come on!

Niel terus memegang tangan isterinya seperti tidak bersetuju dengan tindakan isterinya. Didalam keluarga mereka bila Arwah abahnya atau Firdaus bercakap tidak akan ada seorang pun yang akan membantah. Firdaus juga mewarisi sikap begitu dari arwah ayahnya

Firdaus: To change my word I would have have to change yet my disposition. If a cold heart wins success, I’m proud to be a failure!

Zarin seperti tidak bersetuju dengan tindakan Firdaus yang suka membuat keputusan tanpa berbincang dengan keluarganya.

Firdaus: Look! I know this is very unfair to you zarin! But, you re my family. You re all I’ve got. What if something happen to you?

Firdaus terus merenung ke mata zarin.Matanya seolah-oleh seperti menangis.Firdaus bangun dari kerusinya.

Firdaus: What if I couldn’t get to you?

Zarin: Actually! I was scared of what you gonna do.

Firdaus: listen, Have I ever done anything stupid?

Zarin: no!

Firdaus: I mean so far, I have screwed it up for anyone in this family?

Zarin mendiamkan dirinya. Pertama kali dia nampak Firdaus agak serius. Ahli keluarganya yang lain masih terdiam.

Firdaus: I don’t know what to say about it, zarin.It was form of temporary insanity. But I had to do this.

Malam tersebut agak tegang. Firdaus juga tertekan terpaksa membuat keputusan yang agak besar. Akhirnya mereka semua bersetuju untuk berpindah dari Russia. Tapi Firdaus masih belum menyatakan dimana tempat baru mereka.

Firdaus termenung dari atasnya melihat. Apa yang berlaku kepada dalam dirinya.Semuanya seperti sekelip mata.

Sedang dia termenung.Anaknya tiba-tiba muncul.

Dira: Hi dad! What you doin?

Firdaus: Hey! you didn’t sleep yet….

Dira: I can’t sleep!! U thinking of mom dad?

Firdaus: Yea sometimes honey! I really miss her….

Dira memeluk ayahnya pilu.

Dira: I miss her too dad! Really much…But life must go on!

Firdaus: you just like your mom…you was great…strong…

Dira: I’ve learn from her dad! She teaches me a lot.

Firdaus mencium anaknya.

Dira: dad!

Firdaus: yes!

Dira: We have to take care each other…you remember what mom says?

Firdaus: yes!

Dira: Dad! Can I ask you something?

Firdaus: what is it honey?

Dira: Why we have to move and where?

Firdaus: hmm!! I admit we moved to United states because I was tired of Russia provincial, but that doesn’t mean I ready for States culture. It’s ok for you?

Dira: honestly! Dad …I’m not…I love Moscow so much…here! But its ok…as long as you with me..anywhere…

Firdaus: oh well! Wasn’t it Shakespeare who said; “ when the strangers do meet they should ere long see one another again”?

Dira: Dad! Shakespears never said that.

Firdaus: How do you know?

Dira: it’s terrible you just made it up! Maybe you forgot I grew up with the shakepears story….

Firdaus: yeah! Your mom….right?

Dira: she read the book for me before I sleep.

Firdaus: everyday!

Dira: almost dad!

Firdaus: you are genius…

Dira: everybody love dira’s

Firdaus tersenyum melihat keletah anaknya itu. Dia merasa beruntung kerena mendapat anak yang sangat memahami.

3 tahun berlalu Firdaus dan keluarnganya kini menetap di Wyoming, United States. Firdaus tidak aktif seperti dulu dia hanya melakukan pelaburan dan dia mendapat royalty daripada Lukoil. Dia kurang menonjol seperti dahulu. Dia mula membina semula kebahagiaan keluargana.Kakaknya juga telah berkahwin dan menetap California. Niel dan zarin pula menetap dengan behhampiran dengan rumah Firdaus.

Pada satu pagi sedang Firdaus tidur anaknya mengejutkanya. Dira terus memanjat ke atas badan ayahnya.

Firdaus: hey honey! Stop it.

Dira: Dad! Come on get up!

Firdaus: honey! Its still early…

Dira: come on dad! I got surprise for you downstairs. Come get out.

Dira terus menarik bantal ayahnya.

Dira: Please dad you wont regret it!

Firdaus: ok ok! Just give me a minute let me wash up!

Firdaus bangun dan membersihkan mukanya.

Dira: faster dad!lets go…

Firdaus bangun dengan perlahan menuju ke toilet.Dira pula melihat perlahan pergerakkan ayahnya. Setelah selesai Firdaus turun ke bawah dia mencari dimana anaknya.

Firdaus memangil anaknya.

Firdaus: Dira! Dira! Do you know where I put my cell phone cause it’s not upstrairs?

Dira tidak menjawab, dia bergereak terus ke dapur. Dia ternampak banyak makanan dia atas meja.

Dira: supprise!

Firdaus agak terkejut. Dia terus bergerak menuju ke meja makan tersebut.

Firdaus: Hey honey! What is this?

Dira: I made you breakfast dad,its mothers day

Firdaus: no offense honey but this day isn’t for me anymore..

Dira: I understand dad, if you don’t like it then…

Firdaus: like it? Hey honey I love it! It’s just that ever since your mother died I kind of lost the love I had for this special day, but don’t get me wrong honey the food looks great.

Firdaus pun menjamah satu pancake yang dibuat anaknya.

Firdaus: I mean you have pancakes, eggs and French toast, there’s not a man in the world that wouldn’t love to wake up to this….

Firdaus terus mencium dahi anaknya.Dia agak terharu atas apa yang anaknya lakukan.Mereka masih terasa kehilangan Suraya.

Firdaus: Thanks honey!

Sedang mereka beremosi Sepupunya Rin telah memanggilnya untuk bermain baseball. Rin datang ke rumah Firdaus untuk menjemput dira bersama emaknya zarin, untuk latihan baseball di sekolah mereka.

Dira: ok Dad!untie zarin,me and Rin is going to practice early for the game today.

Dira ters berlari mendapatkan topi dan sarung tangan baseball diatas meja.

Dira: oh and I fogot the game starts at 3 so don’t be late and your phone is right there.

Firdaus terus mendapat telefonya.

Dira: You left it in the bathroom last night, and before you leave make sure you feed buddy and turn off the coffee machine ok?

Sambil memegang telefonya Firdaus melihat anaknya membebel tidak berhenti.Dia tersenyum

Firdaus: Honey don’t worry about it I got it!! I’ll take care my self.

Dira: you sure!

Firdaus: Can you just go?

Dira: ok dad I love you!

Firdaus: I love you to sweetheart.

Dira pun keluar dari rumahnya.Dira memang seorang yang petah dan banyak bercakap seperti emaknya.Firdaus masih berdiri di dapur nya sambil menjamu pancakes yang disediakan anaknya.Dia melihat patung bugs bunny di sebelahnya. Dia bercakap dengan patung tersebut.

Firdaus: It looks like just me and you bunny…hmmmmm yup I know…

Fidaus berjalan ke ruang tamunya.Dia mengambil notebooknya sepertu biasa untuk melihat apa ang berlaku dengan Lukoil.Walaupun dia tidak lagi memegang apa-apa jawatan tapi Firdaus masih lagi share holder yang terbesar dalam lukoil dan dia mangawalnya melalui orang-orang kanan kepercayaannya.Dia juga membalas Email orang-orang kanannya untuk memberitahu apa yang patut mereka lakukan.Niel pula telah memegang jawatan Ceo untuk lukoil di united states dan kakaknya pula mengawal seluruh pasaran di calfornia bersama dengan suaminya.

Setelah beberapa jam membalas email dan menerima berita dari Moscow Firdaus berehat seketika. Dia menyandarkan badanya di kerusi. Tanganya memegang gambar isterinya. Dia meluahkan sesuatu.

Firdaus: hey honey! Never have I pictured that I would be speak to dead people. I don’t know maybe it’s because I still wish you weren’t gone. I mean our child...she knows. And ever since that day every time I look at her you can see the great big wall she puts up for herself.

Air mata Firdaus mula bergelinangan.

Firdaus: She even joins sports to keep herself busy so she wouldn’t have to deal with days like this and I don’t blame her.She were strong like you honey.I wish that this whole thing is one big dream and that I’d wake up in minute and see your smile again. I don’t know honey, but u don’t worry, I teach her how to pray and mengaji al quran and she will be as your dream insyallah…I love you honey…

Selepas kematian suraya Firdaus lebih suka tidak menonjol dan dia agak penyabar dan lebih bertolak ansur dalam banyak hal.walaubagaimanapun tentang hal urusan perniagaan dia masih seorang yang tegas dan percaya kepada nalurinya.

Firdaus sebenarnya gembira dengan kekidupanya sekarang.Dira adalah penyeri dalam hidupnya.Dia menyanyangi dira dan mendidik dira setulus ikhlas hatinya. Walaupun tanpa suraya dengan keletah anaknya dia tidak terlalu merasa kehilangan suraya.

Firdaus ingin pergi ke Michigan kerana ingin melawat Niel dan bertanya tentang operasi di states.Firdaus sudah lama tidak keluar di Wyoming. Dia pergi ke rumah emaknya yang berdekatan. Firdaus dan dira tiba dirumah emaknya....................


................Semasa didalam Keratapi dalam perjalanan ke michigain.

Dira: dad! Yesterday I’ve heard something that was relates to me.what was it?

Firdaus: hmm! Nothing sweatheart!

Dira: dad…please just tell me…I know is something…

Firdaus: Actually someone offer me to handle a project in france.

Dira: and so?

Firdaus: I’m think of you..

Dira: thiking of what?

Firdaus: everything!

Dira: dad!

Firdaus: yeah! Im worried you’ll not comfortable when we always move around, and you have to meet new friends, meet a new culture…and the most important thing it will effect your learning.

Dira: I’m satisfied with your answers…its up to you dad! I’ll be at your side all the time…by the way I read in the magazine the other day that Paris is the 6th least stressful town live in.Rents are high, everything’s expensive, eating out can cost your arm and leg and malls there are no taller than two stories high…but I know you were the second richest behind the William gates III? Right dad! Money is not in your stressful list….

Firdaus: hey! Slowly People can hear…ok

Dira: ops! Sorry…hehehehe…

comments (1)

Feb 6, 2009

Helluuuu to my self

assalamu'alaikum...

The weekend before last (so it's about 1 weeks ago), on friday..My last day of work. Oh boy... kinda sad. I've loved working here. I mean, where else can I find a job that let's me come in wearing glasses, t-shirt and jeans... and still work in an office? *Sigh*.... I'm gonna miss this... even though I proby coming back to the exact same office but working in a different position with the exact same pay. The hours will be shorter, of course, that's what I'm looking for.Btw, gotta admit the transition is tough :( . From being in school to being in the corporate environment and back to school(IF)... it's just vastly different. I'm lucky, though. Previously the people I work with are amazing, I'm with a great company that cares about its employees(but still got the side issues..heck!) and the community, and the paycheck ain't that bad either. Before you start thinking that I'm rich, I gotta tell you that the my expenses is ridiculously high. sheeshhh

Weird. One minute I'm excited to go fly and a few minutes later I am not, the next I'm totally dreading the lack of confident that I know is going to plague me as soon as I step foot on Dublin soil. Hopefully I won't be an asshole "IF" I repeat "IF" I reach there...Aaahhh... the good old days when u know exactly who you are, what you have to do and where you wanna go. Now u have OPTIONS... and you have to MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS and be an ADULT... waaaa!!! I want my blanky and my lovely ain... sob sob...

Things are pretty quiet now in my life, aside from doing something, sleep and worrying about money, I really have nothing going on. I received my last payments today, planned a budget for upcoming charges (and hopefully a trip to M***N) and decided that I'm in pretty good shape.

I so do not have stuff to do now, but I'm done writing too, Lol.

~fir~

comments (2)

Feb 3, 2009

I'm just ramblings.............

Everyone has a purpose in life, a reason for being. Somewhere deep inside we know this, we can feel it. Allah, in his wisdom, gave us our own unique talents, gifts and callings. We were created to share those gifts with the world.

It seems like everyone has different opinions and expectations in my life. My parents want me to be an accountant, my friends say be a lawyer and I always letting them down. I have no idea what I personally want to do and that looks like or how to find it. Figuring out what to do with my life can be difficult and confusing.

Now that my life as a banker is ending, I feel as if there's nothing left to be excited about. I spent the better part my childhood looking ahead to these glorious days. Just what do I have to look forward to now? ahhh!!!!!!!!!

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5 things that annoyed me today...

5 things that annoyed me today:

1. ????????????

2. Annoying things on my friendster

3. Movie "don't talk to stranger"

4. Goverment servant!!!!!

5. How everytime I want MY drink that I put in the refigerator and it's GONE!!!!!

and thank you so much..sheeshhh!!!!


comments (0)

Jan 27, 2009

She reminds me of who I am...

Dear ain,

I love you, we had a give-and-take relationship. Expecting one another to do in return when things had been done. We had a speed bump here lately, because of the minor issues. We have dedicated to working out issues but the personality conflict hurt us so much.We see each other daily and on the surface things go well. We even have honest talks daily, hopefully working towards better times. I miss her uncontrollably.I have realized the give-and-take relationship was based on selfish motives, so I’ve learned to love unconditionally, regardless of her feelings towards me.

My someone is incredible. She has been a wonderful person, beautiful, magnanimous, and has always forgiven me for my mistakes. We are very different people, different upbringing and different experiences and as such, brings about conflicts.But seriously I want to love her more. And I think I can do so my listening to her more. I know I should do that, but keep failing in my attempts. I am accused of not listening to her and I always counter by saying I do understand. I know that I sometimes forget that simple truth. Life gets in the way. With a long distance relationship which I don’t really have an option, I be very selfish. Even if I try to hide it, it is there .But, suddenly I have have been renewed with the deep love and desire to be close to her. I don’t know what it is, it just is. She is everything to me. I can’t believe I was blind to that for so long. It is like I have crawled out of a dark cave and am being blinded by a bright light.So I will try my best to LISTEN to her, love her more and I hope the things I do will please her. There is nothing more I want in this world than for us to be happy.

I simply dedicate myself to giving her unconditional love. Now and forever!

~from fir with love~

comments (2)

assalamu'alaikum...

Before I start writing, I just want to say takziah to someone who I know is going through a hard time in his life right now. May Allah always give you courage and strength to go through the rest of your days, and may He lessen the pain for you. Know that you and your family are always in my prayers.

"....knock knock knock on the door....

Except for the knocking part, that's how my life has been lately. Last week mimpi bertemakan bende yg same, except mimpi semalam yg almost mati tu. Hari-hari mimpi tema tu. Bukan mimpi yg same, tapi byk melibatkan org yg same. Sorang tuh mmg stok yg everytime mimpi je, macam nak lepuk, yg sorang tu plak complicated sket. Malam tadi mimpi ade pelakon tambahan lah pulak, tapi tak nampak org nye, dgr suare dlm phone jek. Dalam mimpi sendiri pun kene marah jugak, wat the jadah..... That's it, lepas nie nak kene bace sikit kertas side effects ubat yg tgh ambik skang nie, mane tau, tetibe die cakap "Warning: may induce mild psychological effects resulting in disturbed sleep, spontaneous combustion and nausea."btw slept in the living room instead. Woke up to the advertisement of The Firm. Aiyok... nothing more depressing in the mornings than to wake up to a health advertisement after admonishing yourself the day before about all the pretty clothes that you can't fit into. Well, actually there is something more depressing

Today is holiday. Whoopee!! No stress, tons of work. I'm gonna have the whole day to spend with my lovely someone....best...best hopefully she'll available and free so leh la dgr sore, rindunye tu la jauh2 lagi kan dah kena dah, but it was so much fun instead trust me..just now I was browsing through my Friendster and came upon some pictures, at somebody else's account (I haven't figured out camane nak block user gune Friendster), that made me feel like a big boulder just landed on my chest. It was as if I had a thousand knives and a thousand arrows simultaneously piercing through my heart and shredding it to pieces. Strange, how you would think you are past all of those things and yet even the dumbest things can trigger what I call the "Post-relation Cardiac". Like fare said, nak lupe, tapi kalau lupe, macam kering jadinye, so tak lupe (or something like that lah). My mom would be so mad if she finds out about this.

ok 'nuff about that, Special congrats to adik fare for appearing in the magazine(ape ntah lupa) memperagakan care2 memakai tudung dgn ayunye. And special gelak to adik raz for kantoi masuk rancangan pun ape ntah kat astro tu lupa, heheheh. Kidding sweetie, you looked fabulous, kalau betul the girl I thought was you really is you (ape jadah ntah grammar, bantai sajaaa )...*smile*..dah la tak tahu ape nak pen lagi dah messed up entries ni lantak la...
~fir~

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Jan 23, 2009

:::e.v.o.L::

assalamu'alaikum...

Burning is a more intense feeling that emptiness for those who don’t know. The burning feeling inside sometimes felt so bad sometimes that it felt like molten lava flowing inside me. This is a very severe sign of a lack of love. I’m wriitng this so that if you feel this way, I want you to know that I KNOW how it feels, that you’re NOT alone… and most especially that you know that I got better and you will too.So… sometimes I would have this terrible burning feeling inside me. I felt so awful inside, I thought I was slowly dying. One day I felt this way while I was at finnan. I knew that I needed a someone could love to hug me just for a moment....*tears* but, I’m going to be very honest with you about this one thing. It was very tough for people to love me. I was so used to being alone that I didn’t recognise their love, I didn’t know how to respond to it and I couldn’t respond back and sometimes I might also be offensive, because hurt people are the ones who hurt other people (hurt people hurt people)....

For me we should to love others too. Love others as you love yourself. I have written extensively on 'love' topics, but this post is focussing on the absolutely important need to love yourself. Not to “fall in love” with yourself, not to think you’re all that matters - but to have kindness for yourself.

For those who have the empty feeling inside, if you’re like I was, I couldn’t see the fun in life. I felt bad and wrote (or did other things) to change my mood. Read and write (and other things) helped me feel better. I did good things to change my mood too. I used to pen a LOT (I still do). I am sure that helped me become who I am. I've tried being passive and waiting for healing and usually it doesn't work. WHY? because you have to love others and they will love you back, you'll have lots of love in your life right? If you have love in your life, you’ll be less likely to look at peoples in the wrong way, less likely to be down and then over-eat or hurt yourself or hurt others. Love is healing but people like to used it for damaging their emotions and then causing them to hurt each other and be selfish....think!

Let go of those old arguments, let go of what was done to you. Forgiving will result in you letting go and moving on. Forgiving is GOOD for you because if you forgive then others will forgive you too! But even when you forgive, you don’t need to restore the relationship, you don’t have to go back into an abuse situation. Just forgive and let go and move on. Onwards and upwards!...

~love me when I'm gone~

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::efil ym fo yenruoj:::




assalamu'alaikum...

Sometimes not even sure where I am and my heart's pulling me towards something big. I can feel it.

Have you seen Donnie Darko?

You know the little invisible trails that show you your predetermined spot.It feels like I can FEEL mine..but I don't know where they're leading...this is giving me a huge urge to just sporadically try many things to see if it relieves the tug towards something.. but that might just be wasting time. I'm not sure.just feeling odd. maybe I should sleep....*sigh*

wasalam.....

comments (3)

Jan 20, 2009

thank you...












comments (323)

Jan 11, 2009

I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying..Pray for us...

assalamu'alaikum...

It is a cliche to say "I love you." But the fact is, I do love my someone. A lot. We've been through a lot together, we enjoy being together, and we're a great team...How do I love my someone? In so many ways…


I love how I never want to write about my love for her because I know that I can never say it just the way I want to. And how I know that I still wouldn’t be able to say or write it the right way even if I was more gifted than Shakespeare. How words can never tell the story of my love for her. Because words have boundaries.


I love how she holds me and asks me what is wrong when I don’t know how to say what is wrong. When all that is wrong is that the world just got a little bit too heavy. And that all I need is her arms around me to make me feel safe and strong again.



I love how I listen to that stupid Hero song of Enrique and cry because I just want to be her hero. I just want to wipe away the tears. I want to kiss away the pain. I just want to stand by her forever. Because she always takes my breath away.

I love how she pretends to need me even though she is so much stronger than me. I know she doesn’t climb mountains. She will make the mountains come to her. And that they will just obey.

I love how she speaks with a “little voice” when she asks me “why you hurts me?” And how I know there will be a little something in there for me.

I love how she laughs and shakes her head and says “What am I going to do with you?” whenever I make one of my suggestive comments. And how I do it just to hear those words.

I love how I try to be funny and tell silly jokes and how I peep at her to see if she is laughing. And how I carry on until I see the beauty of her smile. And the happiness in her laughter.

I love how she wanted me even though she could get anyone she wanted. And how she stays with me even though she can get anyone she wants.

I love seeing her walk and watching her when she doesn’t know I am looking. And how I still have to build up the courage to ask her out.

I love how she eggs me on to go play with the girls even though she knows it will drive her crazy.

I love how she holds me and looks into my eyes when she tells me that she loves me more.

I love how she phones me 4 or 5 times a day even if I can only take a call or two.

I love how she puts her hand on my leg when we go for a drive.

I love how she believes in me even when I have my doubts.

I love how I know real love because of her.

I love how she loves me.
I love how I love her.
I love her.

I love how I can write another million words and still not tell you how I love my someone.



........wasalam.........

comments (2)

Jan 1, 2009

Journey to the North...."this is our Faith"

assalamu'alaikum...

A lot of things has happened over the weekend, personally on me (wha...? talk later...), btw Iwan and I headed to the north( Sg Petani) to do something besides the sight-seeing. It was pretty awesome, considering that before this, my only views of SP came from either a car window or a bus window. It was really, really a city, where there are a lot of new and nice buildings and everyone drives like a maniac. We went down sp north city, which separates the north and the south part of SP, and we went down small town where all the people were hanging out ( I told Iwan, are we in KL? I thought SP just look like a Cowboy's town ). We saw the TESCO where they had a shopping going on and we could see all of the people sitting in coffee shop. We saw a lot of the things that I thought only saw in KL : Old town white coffee, Chennai curry House, Pantai Medical Centre and supprisingly a lot of shopping mall and basically is a modern city Center, my fingers are numb from typing too fast. Let's just say we say a lot of buildings. Hang on.

Okay.. moving on...my someone grew up in SP, so I got a nice history lesson too along the way. It's pretty cool, I didn't realize that SP was quite that old. I was pretty impressed. They also had a lot of construction going on. Every corner we turned, there was some sort of a building coming up, but the traffic still consider ok compared to KL..

Time to be vague... people, stop reading right now 'cause I'm gonna stop making sense.

wasalam....

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